heh. well some of you have been complaining that because i live such a boring life i write boring things. because i am lazy, i will just give you a part of an email i wrote describing today. and if i hear anymore about how i don't write enough, i will individually email you this again and again until you realize you don't really care anyway.
so today? i woke up and there was a strange girl in my bed. and she had a very satisfied look on her face. and she was sticky and smelled funny. so did i. i don't know how she got there, but it was okay.
so i took a shower? and then i got dressed, but while i was getting dressed, i decided that i was sick of dressing like a tomboy and that today i was going to break the mold! so i dressed in my hoochiest clothes and called a limo to take me to work (hoochies can't just walk, you know...).
and then? i walked into work and there was a terrorist running around screaming and shooting people. he wouldn't let anyone in or out and was threatening to blow up the building. so i talked to him for a while and calmed him down and basically made him feel better about himself until he broke down and said "you know what? you're right. killing doesn't solve anything. thank you, shalini, for changing my life." i won an award for being the most productive yet most peace-promoting employee of the day. everyone cheered and complimented me on my new hoochy style.
and then? david duchovony showed up in my cube and asked me to join him for lunch, and we had a great time. while eating, i noticed that everything i ate was making me skinnier by the second and that i would never have to worry about being fat again! and even better? every sip of wine i had made me smarter...
and then? i got back to my desk and my boss told me that he was giving me a phatty raise ($500,000,000/month) but he didn't want me doing any more work (he was afraid the stress might distract me from being so otherwise peace-loving and productive) and to take the rest of the year off (paid vacation, of course).
and then? i realized that really life is boring when you work all the time and the only way i would be capable of writing somewhat interesting emails was if i lied my ass off.
today is hans' birthday -- don't forget to at least send him a fart waffle or something.